Culture & Identity
Growing up in different countries around the world, I always struggled with my own personal identity and culture. Whenever I felt comfortable in my environment, we would move and I would have to start fresh. Granted, I’ve lived in Canada for most of my life, the first ten years of my life felt more or less scattered. Even once I moved to Canada, unfortunately, I didn’t experience the comfort and security of having a house, town, or even a neighbourhood I could call my own as I moved so frequently.
There was the culture of my parents, religion, in addition to the culture of the country I was living in. The first five years of my life were spent in the Netherlands, and to this day, no place on earth could evoke the most nostalgic memories in my mind, like that of the Netherlands. The cheese shops, small markets, the canal that ran across our street, Christmas season, and the smell of citronella and pear linden holds some of my fondest childhood memories.
Then came Prague, New York, and at last, Pakistan. I spent nearly four years in Pakistan before moving to Canada and have since called Canada my home. It took me a long time to arrive at the comforts of the current place I now call home - to come to grips with my own identity and accept me for who I am and let go of a fixed identity.
That was my problem - I tried a little too hard to define myself. I wanted to so badly put myself in a box because that’s how others saw me as and paraded around me as. Kids, of course, aren’t aware of the cultural nuances that immigrants face, so naturally, as the new kid, you try to speak the same language as the kids around you do. Are you this or are you that? Do you like western music or do you only listen to music from your home country? Are you Canadian or are you…where are you from? Are you mixed? My honest answer as the new girl was always the same. Neither.
Where do you turn when you feel like you don’t belong to any culture? Some of us are lucky to have a somewhat defined culture that we take for granted as it’s comprised of the many traditions that we share with our family. If you don’t even have that to rely on, then how do you define your own culture?
Here are some things that I learned personally, about identity, that helped me navigate through the maze that I once found myself in…
Empower yourself with the knowledge of the many cultures around you. I was raised with a general disdain for certain cultures and I had to try very hard to unlearn the biases that came naturally to me. Part of this process entailed expanding my circle of friends. Not just in culture, but in socioeconomic status, creed, sexual orientation etc. I did this unknowingly and later learned at how fortunate I have been to have come in contact with so many different cultures. It doesn’t matter if you do this consciously or unconsciously, what matters is that we are constantly learning about others around us. That’s only part one of the recipe.
The second part is to have an open mind. Challenge your values. We are all prejudiced in our own respective ways - all of which are influenced by the values that stem from all the cultures we are exposed to. Engage in debates - friendly and healthy debates. Talk about things you don’t understand. Start the dialogue as that’s the only way we learn. It’s not them that are excluding you, it’s also you that is separating yourself from others. Let’s have conversations about things we don’t understand and wish to learn. Ask yourself this: what have you done to learn about the various cultures around you? You might think it has nothing to do with you, but believe me, it does. We are all in this together and if we want to live in a world where we accept differences, then the only way to get there is to first understand that a difference exists in the first place.
Identity is not fixed: it changes for everyone, immigrants, newcomers, etc. No one is spared from the ebb and flow of our personal evolutions. Our culture has a huge influence on our identities but eventually, we all come to the same place, where we consciously choose our culture.